This past weekend I did a Mother/Daughter Event for a group of ladies and their daughters at a church about 70 miles from my home. I have done many of these events over the last 3 or 4 years. However, something happened at this event that has never happened to me before. One of the teenage girls actually got up and left. Luckily, I had figured out she was already upset with her mother, not me so I did not take it personally. However, this whole incident got me to thinking. It got me to thinking about attitudes and about communication.
Not meaning to easedrop, earlier in the event before I got up to speak to the group of moms and daughters this young lady and her mom had sat down beside me. I heard the girl mutter to her mother something like this, “you tricked me”. Her mom, calmly smiled and replied, “no I didn’t”, to which the girl responded, “yes you did you said we were going to spend time together, I don’t want to be here.”
As the afternoon progressed she made it clear she did not want to be at the event, by actually walking out of it. Her mom of course trailed after her, came back to apologize but ultimately left early. The whole incident though it did not hurt my feelings it did concern me. I see a deep need in this mother/daughter relationship for communication.
The mom meant well. She thought she was helping her daughter by bringing her to a Christian event at church, however I’m pretty sure that the daughter did not hear a word that was said by me that afternoon, as she sat sulled and hurt. She felt that her mother had tricked her and that is all that she knew and all that I’m sure was on her mind. I am not sure what had happened prior to their arrival, but it obviously lacked clear communication between the daughter and the mom.
This story shows us the importance of communication. An afternoon of chatting with and being listened to by her mother over an ice cream cone or a Coke and a burger might have been a better choice for this mom to have made, considering the feelings of her daughter and the clear need that was there for the two of them to openly communicate.
Please moms, watch for the signs your daughter is giving you that she needs to talk. These may be different in every child, so I won’t even try to name them, but you know what I’m referring to for your daughter. Be open to taking time out to talk, but more importantly to listen.
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