Last year, in a moment of desperation, I must admit that I fell into what I felt was divine inspiration and joined the mass legions of goal setters during the New Year. I took my time and prayed about my list, writing out specific short and long-term goals for 2008. I found a verse that spoke to my heart, and committed myself to memorizing it for the year. Today, just three days shy of the new year, I find myself wondering where I put the list, not remembering what verse I was going to stand on for the year, and realizing that I only completed maybe one, two if best goals that I had set for myself.
In my mind, goal setting is all about my expectations for me. This year, I find myself in a quandary of emotion, frustrated with myself and everyone around me…because despite all the people that may have failed me in life, this time I failed myself.
In the midst of the tears, emotion, and prayer; I have been seeking answers. This is only adding to my frustration, as I keep my ears opened for that all inspiring word, the point of reference, the goals I should set and strive for…I have been deluded with solutions, or suggestions, and have confused myself even more.
Today, I believe I got a clear answer…for me. See my issue is that I am always busy, running a million miles a minute in a thousand different directions. I am a flurry of thoughts, emotions, and tasks. The problem? I am continually getting things done, but never accomplishing anything…at least not anything of my own.
I am realizing that my busyness, is not leading to my fruitfulness…and that is the core point of my frustration.
Confession time. The reason I am so busy, is that I allow my emotions to dictate the priority of things I do.
New confession. I often times put the needs (or tasks) of others above my own needs because I don’t want them to be upset with me, or to think badly of me in anyway.
Truth…I know that both of these confessions are self-imposed and that I am allowing myself to feel these things and perceive these things, even though they are not necessarily true.
So, how do I fix it? How do I stop busying myself with the priorities of others, and invest in fruit bearing activity?
Many times, I think in music. A song will sit on me, and eventually I will realize that God has been speaking a lesson to me all along. A few months ago, a song that I loved from years ago came back into my life. I had completely forgotten about it and was playing on a music service one day and saw it, and a spark went off. As I listened to the song, I cried…and it has been a prayer or meditation that has been hovering over me ever since. Only today do I realize exactly what God has been trying to tell me…
Sometimes when you’re in the valleys
All of your burdens you carry alone
Oh, but I know, I know when you need Me
Call I’ll be there
Longing to prove how much I care
Peace, I’ll give you peace
When the wind blows on
Peace, whenever you call Me
I’ll give you peace
When the wind blows on
Heartaches, whenever your heart aches
I want to be there
To help see you through
When you’re weary
You know you can find all the strength that you need
Find your rest and your hope in Me
No matter how long the night may last,
I’ll keep you safe ’til the storm is past
Oh, I’ll give you
Peace, sweet peace
When the wind blows on
Peace, whenever you call Me
I’ll give you peace
When the wind blows on
I’ll give you peace when the wind starts blowing
Peace, I’ll give you peace
The wind has been blowing on my life this past year like a torrential rainstorm. My attempts to take care of everything myself have left me tired, weary, lonely, heartbroken, restless, and frustrated.
But in the midst of it all, I forgot about God’s peace. It is His peace that will calm the storms around me, just as He calmed the storm in the midst of the night with the disciples (Mark 4:39). More importantly it is His peace that He leaves with us, and gives to us; not as the world gives. His peace that keeps our hearts from being troubled and afraid (John 14:27).
It is His peace that I have set aside. My emotions lead me to negativity and discord. They lead me down the path of frustration and pain. From that place, all I can do is be busy, and grow weary.
If I grab hold of His peace first, and look for fruitfulness instead of busyness…then I will be energized, renewing my strength, mounting on the wings of eagles…not growing weary, or tired (Isaiah 40:31), despite what storms may be raging all around.
So as I enter this New Year, I will have one goal, one resolution…to seek peace this year, looking for fruitfulness instead of busyness.
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