Guest Post Submitted by Sharon Silver
The economy has everyone stressed and working harder than usual. The end of the day finds you exhausted and saturated with the events of the adult world. All you want to do is decompress yet your child wants 100% of your attention, and the evening collision begins.
Mom needs to get dinner ready or bedtime will be late and dad needs to send an email before work tomorrow. Your child doesn’t care, she wants you now and if she can’t have you now she’ll turn to misbehavior to get your attention because that’s where she perceives you give her 100% of your attention. And now the screaming and yelling begins.
What can be done? Here are two tips to help change end of the day whining.
- Literally feed end of the day whining—don’t starve it.
Most children are whiney at the end of day and most parents have little patience for those sounds. What if you began by feeding your child ahead of dinner instead of insisting she stop it now! Sometimes hunger causes whining and food is the only solution. These days we all want little ones to join us for family meals but we make them wait too long and that can cause whining.
Try being proactive by creating a “dinner box” in the refrigerator so she can have food now as she does the next tip. Stock the box ahead of time with things like cheese, yogurt, lunch meat, tuna, veggies and dip, fruit, cheese and crackers, cheese tortillas, or leftovers. Just make sure it’s what you want her to have and it’s healthy.
Won’t that spoil her dinner? No, it becomes the bulk of her dinner. It’s simply feeding her the way you used too when she was a baby, before you eat. Now she’s older and can handle eating while you continue to make the family meal and she does the next tip.
Also, your child’s stomach is the size of her fist. Toddlers and preschoolers don’t eat as much as adults do, and most don’t enjoy complex adult food; they’re natural grazers and prefer small portions many times a day of the foods already mentioned.
Changing your mind about when she eats and about how much she eats allows you to focus on the different needs a toddler or preschooler has and that helps stops whining. If eating together is a wish or a rule then have her join you for a portion of the adult food or for desert. She’ll join you for full meals soon, but right now she may eat more and be less whiny by trying this tip.
- Feed the need for attention too—but on your terms.
What about making dinner? I can’t stop what I’m doing. Try leaving the adult world behind for a few minutes and join your child in the now, but in a way that works for you. Being in the now simply means focusing most of your attention on your child and what’s important to her right this moment. What if you had a special seat in the kitchen called “time with me seat”? That way your child can be with you—but not under foot.
Have your child sit in her “special” seat as she eats from the “dinner box” and let her do more talking than you do. Begin by asking her direct questions about her day and then let her talk about anything. This process fills her up with the attention she’s craving and doesn’t force you stop the flow of family life as you provide one-on-one time.
These two tips will help you fill your child’s needs for food and attention now, allowing the family to relax and have a calmer evening versus spending evenings yelling and punishing.
Sharon Silver is the Founder and Director of ProActive Parenting, www.proactiveparenting.net a site helping parents switch from punishment to discipline as they deal with toddler and preschooler behavior.
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