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Back To School!

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This year our daughter will be going to special education pre-school, as well as developmental kindergarten (DK). She can hardly wait. My husband, on the other hand, is sad. This will bring to a close their abundance of shared time. Macey has been in pre-school since the age of 3 through the public school system under the special education sector.

She has attended school 5 half-days a week for the past 2 years. This year will be different because she will have DK in the morning and pre-school in the afternoon to help her stay caught up in general and to work on specific things like language, fine motor skills, and occupational therapy. Thus, she will be gone all day. Daddy is sad, very sad. He and Macey share a special bond that goes way beyond father/daughter.

She’s his buddy, his pal, not in a disrespectful way, but in a go-along-with-daddy-to-get-the-tires-rotated kind of way. This girl has been to car lots and oil changes and probably more video game stores than one person can believe. She’s cheered for the Wolverines, booed for the Spartans, put on her game face for Monday night football and gotten equally excited about fat men in spandex (that FAKE WWE Wrestling that men watch) as her father.

On the other hand, daddy can paint fingernails, watch strawberry shortcake, braid her hair, put in ponytails (better than mommy can!), and pick out a lacier, gaudier dress for her to wear, better than any daddy on the block. They have a mutually dependent relationship and I think they will both be sad to see it go.

In the midst of all this normalcy, they’ve also shared numerous surgical and illness appointments (hers, not his). Many times while I was stuck at work, my husband picked up the slack - but better yet, he went beyond that. Whatever it took to make her pain less or her time pass by quicker - he did. He’s celebrated every victory in her little life with great enthusiasm, things people take for granted. Eating from a “normal” bottle, walking, talking, moving a thumb for the first time.

Not that they won’t see each other, but it was a hard enough adjustment to have her go to school a half day. Then the quads were born, they both sniffled a little more at this breaking up of their world. Now this…full day of school. We shall see how they survive it.

I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned from watching the pair of them is that our kids teach us far more than we ever teach them.

Is your little one getting ready to go to school for the first time or transitioning from a half day to a full day? How are you handling it? Your spouse?

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Infertility Drugs: Clomid

A doctor’s first medicinal stab at treating infertility is usually to prescribe Clomid. This prescription usually comes after a year of trying on your own without using birth control and without pregnancy success (by definition - infertile). Oftentimes other methods have been tried (temperature charting and the use of ovulation predictor kits).

Clomid is effective for a lot of women. It is a drug that stimulates multiple egg production and can also result in a “stronger” ovulation. While the risk of multiples is very low with Clomid, there are reports of women conceiving all the way up to quintuplets on a low dose of Clomid.

There are some women (myself included) who do not respond at all to Clomid and have to move onto injectable drugs. Even further, some women have used Clomid with injectables (myself included) and have had success or not (I did not have success). Clomid is generally administered in doses of 50 mg increments all the way up to 250 mg (max dose). The doctor will usually start a woman out on 50mg a day for cycle days 3-7, 4-8, or 5-9.

During this five-day period of taking the Clomid, it gives your hormones a boost and promotes (in theory) egg growth and also the number of eggs, therefore, increasing your chances of getting pregnant.

Some women will take Clomid and keep charting their temperature and when ovulation is imminent (either by the temperature raising or by a positive ovulation predictor kit) they will then know that they are about to ovulate and should respond appropriately, ahem

Other women will have what’s called a “monitored” cycle where their infertility specialist will “scan” (using an internal ultrasound) their ovaries for eggs and can even tell them what size their eggs are and how many they have on each ovary.

An egg that is ready for ovulation is approximately 18-22mm in size. If you are on a monitored cycle and do not typically ovulate on your own, your doctor may give you a Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG) shot to trigger ovulation. After that you wait 10-14 days and can take a home pregnancy test and pray!

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Infertility Helpers: Temperature Charting and Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs)

These are two of the most common, non-invasive things a woman can do to help herself conceive.

Temperature Charting: Each morning when you awake, but before you get out of bed, and preferably taken around the same time each morning, you take your temperature and mark it on a plotted chart. You may also keep track of things like cervical changes, what medicines you are taking, if you were feeling ill at the time of temperature (may result in a false high temperature) to better aid you in determining if you are really ovulating or not.

A pattern will begin to emerge over the next month, the peaks (higher temperatures) are the days you are most fertile. Some women, however, do not ovulate at all (annovulatory). Visit www.fertilityfriend.com for an online graph chart that you can print or track online. This website is full of helpful hints as well.

Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPK): These are normally used in conjunction with charting, but can be used alone as well. If using with the chart, look for the temperature peak and then take out a test strip (works just like a pregnancy test) and following the directions on the package, it will tell you if you are ovulating or not (indicated by two lines or by a positive sign, etc. depending on the test).

If you are not using a temperature chart, it is recommended that you use the OPKs beginning 7-10 days after your last period or 2 weeks before your next period is due. Some women have irregular ovulation or ovulate “early” or “late” in their cycle. OPKs are helpful in that they can tell you for that month what days you are fertile on.

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Trinkets and Treasures

It still amazes me how many different people, places, and things shape and mold who your child becomes. My daughter, for example, has logged several hours between grandparents and great-grandparents houses over the years. She uses this as time to learn new things and soak up some one on one attention, etc.

She usually returns home with some sort of trinket or treasure from a relatives house. Trinkets and treasures aren’t always things you can touch and feel, sometimes they are funny expressions, habits, or even complaints. I can always tell when she’s been hanging out with Papa (my dad) as she will promptly request, upon returning home, a cold can of green beans to eat - gross. Definitely a Papa habit.

“Oh my legs are so tired and my hands are weak!” …definitely been hanging out with the great-grandparents. When asked to perform a chore or task at home, I often get the reply “why sure, I’ll do that for you”…sounds like Great-Grandma talking to me. When I tried to joke with her one day she said “Ugh, Mom, are you telling me stories (tall tales)? STOP telling me stories.” Sounds like an admonishment from Great-Grandpa.

As I get older, I realize how precious children are in that they are the sum of all those around them and all that is in them. When I am with my daughter, I am also with my parents, grandparents and other family members. The saying “home is family” never rings truer than when I am with my kids.

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When Mommy is Too Tired to Play

Haven’t we all been there? You got up at 5:15 a.m. and unloaded the dishwasher, threw the laundry in the dryer, took a shower, got dressed, put your makeup on and yanked your hair into an up-do (ok, a ponytail) and high-tailed it to work.

All day long someone else was bossing you around and making demands on your time. When it was quittin’ time you hopped on the highway just to get stuck in a traffic jam for the next 45 minutes - as you cruise into the driveway, your 5-year-old is opening the door to greet you already. She immediately wants to know “where we’re going today” and “what’s for dinner” and “can I have ice cream? daddy told me no!”…By the time you make it through all that, what is left of your energy is meagerly doled out to spouse, 5-year-old, and remaining kids.

With each bark of the dog, ring of the phone, flipping of the channel, you feel your reserve wane. My solution for such days is this…I have my husband put a video on that I know our 5-year-old will enjoy and I lay on the floor and “watch” it with her while allowing our other four children to chew, climb, swat, pull my hair, and otherwise torture me for the 2 hours I will spend on the floor.

This may seem like bad parenting to some, but to a full-time working gal and mom to 5 kids, sometimes the sweetest moments of my day happen when Finding Nemo is our background music, someone is drooling on my forehead and someone else is pulling mommy’s up-do across the living room floor.

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Did You Use Fertility Treatments? Part 2: Confusion Between IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) and IF (Infertility Treatments)

I think part of people questioning the use of fertility treatments with older moms and/or multiples is a general lack of understanding for fertility treatments.

My children were conceived in my womb, with my husband’s sperm. I think what people envision as infertility treatments is in-vitro fertilization where you remove the eggs from the ovaries, inject them with sperm, wait for the cells to split in a petri dish, and put back 1-4 eggs (depending on your doctor’s preference) into the uterus and hope the pregnancy sticks. Obviously the previous sentence is the way shortened version of what women go through with IVF treatments. I’ve actually had people say to or about me “she used IVF”…see what happens when you give people an acronym? It sticks!

I think the media is to blame for society’s misconception (no pun intended) of all the various fertility treatments out there. They tend to only showcase highly technical “newer” procedures and pretty soon everyone is thinking that all women who need help conceiving are experiencing the same thing. In fact, many women require minimal testing, a little bit of pills, etc. or end up getting pregnant on their own while waiting for their actual appointment with the fertility specialist.

What many women have done (myself included) is a series of diagnostic tests and/or surgeries to prepare them for the fertility treatments themselves. Over the next several posts, I’d like to break down the different drugs, diagnostic testing and procedures that are out there (and ever-changing!) I personally, and maybe this is because I used fertility treatments, see treating infertility as no different than treating other conditions of the body. Such as diabetes - take insulin, cancer - do chemo/radiation/surgery. Just like there are other options for diabetes and cancer (diet change, herbal remedies, etc.) - this is also true for infertile couples.

Many women have become pregnant after losing weight (I lost 26 pounds prior to conceiving quadruplets on injections) or adding supplements (under the guidance of a specialist) or herbal remedies to their diets. There are many paths to motherhood, what doesn’t work for you, may work for someone else, and vice versa.

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Did You Use Fertility Treatments? Part 1: Grocery Store Encounters

How many times have you been asked this question by a total stranger? If you are a Mom of Multiples (like me) or an “older” Mommy (not me, but have several friends who are), then you’ve probably lost count. I personally take offense when complete strangers ask this question. I would never dream of asking a person about their health…I mean picture this “I couldn’t help but notice your skin has a yellow tint to it…how is your liver function? Are you on any medicine for that?”….most people would be appalled at the thought.

But when someone sees an older mom with young children or a mom with multiples, quite often it is assumed that they used fertility treatments. I’m fine with the assumption, it’s when they ask you to deny or confirm if you used fertility treatments that irritates me. There really is no good way to respond. Either you say “yes, we needed help” and you get the inevitable “oh”…what does “oh” mean? Or you can avoid the question or try to brush it off, then they will just assume you did anyway.

Ironically, most births resulting from fertility treatments are singletons. But guess what? When you just have one baby as a result of fertility treatments, you aren’t asked this question. Why? Maybe because one baby at a time is more along the lines of what people expect, etc. so it doesn’t raise a red flag for fertility treatments. This issue is something I’m personally working through, I have gotten to the point where I didn’t want to stop and let people ogle our babies in public because I dreaded the fertility treatment question.

This is unfair to those who are just happy to see a group of babies and never intended on asking the question. My husband handles it better than me. I’ve always theorized that since we don’t have our own t.v. show and therefore are not “putting ourselves out there” to be judged and nitpicked, etc. that it is unfair of people to come up to us in Sam’s Club (diaper run!) and start off by saying, “oh what beautiful children” and end with “did you use fertility treatments?” or worse yet “are they natural?”…um, natural children of God…yes.

No matter how a child is conceived, God still has to breath life into the process or it does not work. I think I’ve finally come up with a good response for grocery store encounters, when asked “Did you use fertility treatments?”, I will respond “I’m sorry, but I’m not in the habit of sharing my medical history with complete strangers”…if they persist, I will walk away. If they get offended, and can’t recognize that they are the ones being out of line, then we’re probably better off not getting to know them anyway.

So next time you see a gaggle of kids in the store, just say “my, what beautiful babies!” and keep on walking

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Identical VS Fraternal Part 2: Boys

As of right now, our boys look very much alike and quite possibly could be identical, we have not had them tested. The test we used for the girls was by “Metaphase Genetics” (www.metaphasegenetics.com).

Within 2-3 weeks we had our answer confidentially e-mailed to us. I remain impressed with their customer service group and the rapid processing of our results. They provided a secure packet that arrived in the mail within a week of ordering the test. Each packet had two buchal swabs for a total of four buchal swabs. One buchal swab was used on the inside of each side of each baby’s cheek. These swabs were allowed to air dry for a minute or so and then they were sealed in the appropriate envelope with signed consent forms and i.d.’s filled out for each swab and then off in the mail they went. Metaphase Genetics offers a secure online status of where in the process your DNA testing is.

At the conclusion of your DNA test, you can opt to have them mail you a hard copy or e-mail you the results if you’re impatient like me A couple weeks later, I had my results e-mailed to me. The test in total only cost $150, which is not bad compared to what other groups charge. The only reason why we haven’t had the boys done yet is because of the cost, paying $150 once seemed manageable, a second time seems not as doable right now.

You may wonder why obsess over the detail that your twins are identical or not? For me, it’s about living a lie. Yes, that sounds dramatic, but personally, if people ask me the question are they fraternal or identical? I want to be able to honestly answer them and KNOW that I had the DNA test done and KNOW that they are actually identical.

There may be more practical reasons for knowing as well, for instance, if you have a set of identical twins and they are developing normally and then one seems to drop off and begin to not function as well, this could be a sign of a problem. That problem “may” be avoided or intervened before it affects the other twin, etc. This could also apply to things like vision, hearing, etc. and any issues related to that. Identical DNA usually results in identical or very similar health issues.

So in the mean time, I dream of being able to unequivocally state one day “yes they are” or “no they aren’t!”

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Identical VS Fraternal Part 1: Girls

Are they twins? Are they identical? Fraternal? How can you tell them apart? Over the years this topic has received much attention from both parents of twins and from curious people that may or may not know someone who has twins. Not to mention, most parents of twins have been the recipient of this question numerous times and it is often a difficult one to answer! Twins, in fact, can have multiple variables on how they present in the womb.

There can be one placenta with each baby having their own gestational sac - and this can be true for both identical or fraternal twins. There can be two placentas with each baby having their own sac - again - this can happen with identical or fraternal twins. There was even a recent case of a shared placenta AND a shared sac and the result was fraternal twins, not identical.

The only true way to tell if your twins are identical is by having a DNA test performed. We were told with our quadruplets that we had “two eggs that split” based on the placenta report. The report stated that we had two twin placentas resulting in four babies. This would mean that we had two sets of identical twins. The theory that a shared placenta equals identical twins is now defunct. Placentas can fuse (quite easily) in the womb resulting in what looks like a single placenta with two separate sacks coming off of it (each with a baby inside).

The truth is our girls began to not look very much alike at all so we had them tested and discovered - yup - fraternal. In the beginning, the girls looked more alike, as they aged, they began to look different, sisters yes, identical sisters - no.

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Dressing Matchy-Matchy or Not

When I was pregnant with twins, I stated (almost daily) that I would never dress them alike. I felt it was an offense on the idea that we are all unique in the eyes of God and it somehow took something away from the baby if they were dressed alike, blended in, not different, etc. After the birth of our twins (one survived) we didn’t have to worry about matching outfits anymore.

When we discovered we were pregnant with quadruplets, I resumed my investigation into dressing them alike. I learned that people actually DO have an opinion on this, whether they are parents of multiples or not. I also learned that women will dress their children alike even when they aren’t twins, but are perhaps close in age. This always baffled me until I had a set of girls and a set of boys…it’s fun! That’s why we do it!

The only thing cuter than kids clothing is seeing it repeated on a sibling. We started out dressing them alike for photos and now we dress them alike only when we go out in public. At home, we don’t dress them alike. We figure at this age it is ok, once they get towards school age, we want to encourage them to be themselves and be different, etc. In the meantime, I am having fun dressing the girls alike, the boys alike, sometimes all 4 alike and even Big Sister likes to join in on the fun.

It is also fun to dress in coordinating outfits, which is probably easier to find when shopping second hand (I’m a big fan of this) and also when running into issues like not being able to find 2, 3, or 4, etc. of something in the same size.

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