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A Need to Communicate

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This past weekend I did a Mother/Daughter Event for a group of ladies and their daughters at a church about 70 miles from my home.  I have done many of these events over the last 3 or 4 years.  However, something happened at this event that has never happened to me before.  One of the teenage girls actually got up and left.  Luckily, I had figured out she was already upset with her mother,  not me so I did not take it personally.  However, this whole incident got me to thinking.  It got me to thinking about attitudes and about communication.

Not meaning to easedrop, earlier in the event before I got up to speak to the group of moms and daughters this young lady and her mom had sat down beside me.  I heard the girl mutter to her mother something like this, “you tricked me”.  Her mom, calmly smiled and replied, “no I didn’t”, to which the girl responded, “yes you did you said we were going to spend time together, I don’t want to be here.”

As the afternoon progressed she made it clear she did not want to be at the event, by actually walking out of it.  Her mom of course trailed after her, came back to apologize but ultimately left early.  The whole incident though it did not hurt my feelings it did concern me.  I see a deep need in this mother/daughter relationship for communication.

The mom meant well.  She thought she was helping her daughter by bringing her to a Christian event at church, however I’m pretty sure that the daughter did not hear a word that was said by me that afternoon, as she sat sulled and hurt.  She felt that her mother had tricked her and that is all that she knew and all that I’m sure was on her mind.  I am not sure what had happened prior to their arrival, but it obviously lacked clear communication between the daughter and the mom.

This story shows us the importance of communication.  An afternoon of chatting with and being listened to by her mother over an ice cream cone or a Coke and a burger might have been a better choice for this mom to have made, considering the feelings of her daughter and the clear need that was there for the two of them to openly communicate.

Please moms, watch for the signs your daughter is giving you that she needs to talk.  These may be different in every child, so I won’t even try to name them, but you know what I’m referring to for your daughter.  Be open to taking time out to talk, but more importantly to listen.

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The Fine Line

This past week in Sunday School we were talking about our children being involved in extra-curricular activities.  How do you decide what they will be involved in.  We all agreed that it is to be a choice that is made together.  That the child should want to do the said activity, such as ballet, or football, or piano lessons, but where is the line drawn.  How many activities are too many, what if they don’t want to do any at all, what if they want to take on too much?

There are many issues that can be raised, and there is a fine line that may or may not need to be crossed.  One of the moms in the class mentioned that she wanted her daughter to try dance, but her daughter rebelled.  She was not sure if she should encourage her or let it go.  She did encourage her and her daughter ended up enjoying it.  However another mom mentioned that her son did not want to play football, she pushed him to and he was injured that season, causing her to feel remorse.  What is the proper call to make, and where do we draw the line.

We all face these issues as parents, let’s face it, it is a tough call to make, but we all know some activities can be good for our children, while others may not and it is different for each child.  It is important to take the time to sit and talk with your child about their wishes, their wants, their fears and hesitations, and then decide together what would be best to do regarding these activities.

You want them to learn and grow through extracurricular activities such as sports and music lessons, but you also want them to be happy and enthused about what they are doing, not feeling pressured.  So, make sure you do not cross, the fine line.

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Respect, it is more than just an old song by The Temptations, it is truly something we should teach our children.  In today’s society, so many people lack respect, respect for authority, respect for our elders, respect for each other, and therefore, as a result of this lack of respect among adults, our daughters too have a lack of respect.

It is our responsibility to teach them the respect that they should have, for themselves, for us and for others in their lives, such as teachers, the elderly, and the like.  Learning respect starts in our homes, we must show respect for our spouse, and others in our lives so that our daughters can have a model for how they should act.

Respect is defined by Dictionary.com as a verb as “showing regard or consideration for others”.  In your household is regard and consideration shown to each other? to your spouse? to your children?  We must model this for them in order for them to be able to fully understand what it truly means to show respect.

it is also important that they are disciplined when they lack respect or do not show you or others the consideration that is deserved.  The type of discipline that is given will vary based on your parenting style, but the important thing is that they understand they have messed up and need to change their attitudes or actions.  Proper discipline can also encourage our daughter’s to show respect.

With the proper amount of modeling and discipline our daughter’s will have the respect for others that is needed.

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Forever Friends

One of the wonderful things in my opinion about having a daughter is having a forever friend, sure you can’t be just her friend especially during the teen years you have to maintain discipline and be a parent, but you can be a friend as well.  Then as both of you mature, you can truly enter the friendship status,  and share such special times with each other.  Her wedding day, the birth of your grandchildren, and other important events and firsts in both her life and yours.

Being a mom holds a special status on its own, but it is such an honor to be a mom that your child calls “friend”.  My mom is one of my “best friends”  I like her will probably be a bit devastated when my daughter moves out on her own because I too hope to be that close to her.

My mom and I have traditions, traditions that stemmed back from previous generations.  One of those is sharing a  phone call each morning, she did this with her mom, and her mom did the same with her mom before her.  Now, we do so as well.  It helps to keep that forever friendship in tact.

What about you are you your daughter’s forever friend?

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Be Her Biggest Cheerleader

Let’s face it being a kid or teen in today’s society can be tough. Our kids especially our girls need us to be their biggest cheerleaders, to back them up, and hold them up when everyone else around them is tearing them down. Kids and teens can be so cruel, picking on each other, putting each other down, that being a kid in today’s world brings about feelings in them that can weight on their minds and do a world of hurt on their self-esteem.

That is why as parents, especially moms we need to pick up the pieces and we need to be a strong source of encouragement emphasizing our children’s strong points and helping them understand what’s really important, boosting their self-esteem and building their character.

Spend time listening to your child, look for the things that they do well and point those things out to them. We all have talents and abilities, you can help your child to see and be proud of theirs. Also helping them to see that they don’t have to live up to the expectations of others, especially that of their peers is also important.

Whatever you do, be on the sidelines in your child’s life, cheering them on, in good times and in bad, it will make a huge difference in their daily life and give them the confidence they need to face just about anything.

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The Birds and the Bees

We all remember it, the day our parents sat us down and gave us the lecture about the birds and the bees. Maybe you were 10 or maybe you were 18, but at some point I’m sure this conversation was a part of your life.  Will you have this same conversation with your daughter?  How will you approach it? When will you approach it?

In today’s society, this topic is of utmost important and intense concern, with teen pregnancies skyrocketing and sexually transmitted diseases rampant we need to take the responsibility of educating our children on the topic into our own hands, not just allowing the schools, the media, and their peers to educate them in a way that can be downright scary.

Our young people are learning earlier and earlier about the topics that surround this ever important part of their lives.  Many begin to associate sex with things that do not equal what this act is all about, it’s not about providing a favor, showing someone you care, or proving your man or woman hood, no way!  This is what we want them to know,  way before they are faced with making a decision about whether they are ready to participate in the act themselves or not.

We want them to understand what sex was created for and what it is all about long before they have to choose to say yes or no to the opportunity to participate in this special act.  Choose to share valuable information with your daughter today.

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Your Secret is Safe

Growing up, my mom was one of my best friends. The best part about this was she was the only person I knew, well the only friend I had who I knew I could count on, that I knew when I told her something in secret it wouldn’t go any further. My secrets were always safe with her.

Do you have an open door policy? Are you ears open to your daughter, to her thoughts feelings, worries and cares that she needs to share with someone? Then, when she shares are your lips sealed? Where she knows she can trust you with her fears?

Knowing I could trust someone with my secrets and fears was comforting. It is important that we provide a comfortable place for our daughters, a safe place to come to. It will strengthen your relationship and provide a special bond for you that can last a lifetime.

Giving her this safety with help her in other ares of her life as well, boosting her confidence, self-esteem and arming her with the tools she needs to face the world, because she knows you’ve got her back. This does not mean she will never disappoint you, that’s why it’s important to keep the same policy even when the news she shares isn’t exactly what you as a mom want to hear. That is when it is even more important that you are there for her to listen when she shares.

We must remember how it felt to be a young person, the rollercoaster ride that life can be and then provide a place for our daughters that is a little less scary and more secure.

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The Mommy Chronicles

I just listened to a neat podcast recording about a mom who does a mom blog that chronicles her life and other passions. This got me to thinking about one of the reasons many of us moms blog. We all probably blog for various reasons, whether it be to “de-stress”, to get things off our mind, to record our daily routines, or to leave something for our children, there are many reasons to do so.

However, to me the later reason, using blogging as a means by which to leave a “legacy” for our children is one of the best reasons to have a “mommy chronicles” or blog. Even better, you can now get your blogs printed into a book form to have a physical, hard copy of your blogs for your children. This is something I want to do, as I think it’d be a great “keepsake” for my daughter and my son for that matter.

This is where it is important to think about what you blog about, “Is it stuff you want your children and your grandchildren reading?” Are the things you blog about things you are proud of and can peacefully say, “I want the next generation to read this.”

So, what does this have to do with mom-daughter relationships? Well alot, think about it, how much of yourself, your thoughts, feelings and emotions do you share with your daughter? If you’re not already doing so why not share, whether it be through allowing her to read your blog or through conversation. Be sure that your daughter knows you, in a real way!

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Set An Example

Are there things about your daughter that annoy you or irk you a little? Whether it be that she doesn’t keep her room clean, she smacks while she is eating, or she just doesn’t listen, what can you do to help the situation? Many times as mother’s we just assume that the child is WRONG and we are RIGHT. However, we sometimes need to step back and determine whether or not we are doing something that we shouldn’t or if we need to do something we are not in order to set a better example for our daughter(s).

I’m not saying it’s our fault, no way, not in every case, maybe not in any case, but it is important that we set the example for our daughter to follow. Whatever it is you’re wanting her to be sure to do, how you’re wanting her to act, how you want her to carry herself, dress herself or present herself, be sure you’re setting the example for her that you wish for her to follow, not one you’d be embarrased of if someone were to point it out to you.

Makes you think a little huh? Well sometimes that is a good thing, we have to sit back and evaluate why we are doing the things we are, why we’re frustrated so much with the things our daughters are doing and if their behavior may be stemming from ours. You can probably recall situations in your younger years where you were just “reacting” to your mom’s words, actions or deeds. It really is true, “so set an example in word and in deed”.

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What One Thing?

One thing is for sure we all have mothers, whether we were raised by our birth mother, who was everything a mother should be, or we were raised by an adoptive mother, or another relative who was a “mother” figure to us we all have someone hopefully we can think of when we think of the word, “mother”.

What one thing do you remember about your mother? Was she a sacrificial giver, giving up many things for herself so that you could have the latest trendy clothes or maybe even just a snack afterschool. Was she the tender mother, tucking you in bed each night, reading you bed time stories a hundred times, blowing you kisses as you walked to the bus?

Was she the providing mother, working long hours at a job to help pay for your households needs, slaving over a hot stove each night to put a steaming hot home-cooked meal on your table? All of these things are acts performed by mothers every day across the country. As mother’s ourselves we may only aspire to be the type of mother we had, or we may hope that we are a better mother than we had, either case, what one thing is important to you in being a mother?

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