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Should-a, Would-a, Could-a

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All too often I want to fight. I see injustice, or feel I have been wronged in some way, and my initial urge is to strike out. That never does any good, because I usually strike out too quickly, and then suffer from the I should-a, would-a, could-a’s, for days afterwards.

I should-a said this. I would-a done that. I could-a handled it this way. Everything ends up being a wasted effort of time, and energy. And many times, I find myself in a new place where I need to seek forgiveness, for my reactionary responses.

On the few occasions, (and I mean few), that I decide not to act, to let the tide go out, and see where the sand lies, I have a much clearer perspective of the issue at hand, or it has worked a majority of itself out already.

By no means does this mean that I will become someone that people will walk all over, on the contrary, I believe I will become stronger, and someone people will consider a rock, a firm foundation. I am learning to form my opinion, and then keep my mouth shut. If I want to talk it out, I can talk it (or vent it), out with God. I find when I pray it through, okay let me be truthful here, more when I fuss it through and complain it out, to God, I feel the Holy Spirit convict me and guide me. I find that I start to see the issue from another point of view, and realize that maybe; just maybe, things aren’t, as they seem to my mere eyes. Then, when I am able to speak out – I do so with integrity, compassion, mercy and truth.

You shall not need to fight in this battle; take your positions, stand still, and see the deliverance of the Lord [Who is] with you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Fear not nor be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you. (II Chronicles 20:17 - AMP)

I like that today’s passage tells us to take our position, stand still, and then see what God will do. I find this will help me with my wavering at times. Take a position, and then stick to it. Pray about, think about, but do not move from that position. Live out Psalm 46:10, “Be still, and know that I am God”. When we stop and pause, when we stop and pray, God can show us the correct path, and speak to our hearts.

So take your positions, be still and then allow God to move. He tells us to not fear and to not be confused as He delivers us. This is all about trust. So many times when I am acting out in my fighting spirit, I am trying to force the outcome that I want, and trying to force it to happen quickly, in my time. God has an entirely different way to bring about justice, deliverance, mercy and grace. He has a whole another way to speak to a person, and bring about change. His timing is not our timing, and sometimes, we need to just be patient about the whole thing and trust that He will deliver us.

Lord help me to stand my ground when I have been wronged. Help me to know that you know my heart and you know my hurts. Help me to stand still and in Your presence, as You work out Your deliverance of the situation. Help me to not be confused or afraid as the time lingers on, but instead to trust in You, and Your perfect timing, solutions, and retribution.

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Beautiful One

Wonderful, so wonderful is Your unfailing love.  Your cross has spoken mercy over me.

Today, I am looking at my youngest childs’ favorite song, which surprised me.  Matthew loves the song Beautiful One, specifically the Jeremy Camp version.

As I reflected on why he appreciated this song so much, it reminded me of God’s unfailing love…

Matthew was born at the beginning of the darkest period of my life.  I had struggled becoming pregnant the first two times, and to find I was pregnant with Matthew was shocking to the point I didn’t understand it, and I kept asking the doctor if he was sure, and how this could happen. Not that I didn’t want Matthew, but things were already such a struggle for me at home.

Abby was a little over two, and Jacob was only a few months old when I learned I was pregnant.  The doctor’s originally told me Matt would be born in December, meaning he and Jake would be 16 months apart. To God’s glory and omnipotent power, he was born in October, full term, stirring much confusion through the term of my pregnancy.

My husband had become increasingly abusive by this point, and in July of that year had attempted to kill me.  He become drunk during a party we were at, and became quite unreasonable.  This led to one of the longest nights in my life, beating after beating, followed by his finding the shotgun in our house, and coming after me.  It was only by the grace of God that I was able to flee the house, and he didn’t see me.  To this day, I believe angels surrounded me as he fled after me out the front door, blinding him to where I was.

That same evening a neighbor across the street took me in. The night led to several phone calls to my dad, and the final decision to return home and try to make things right.  Several things led to that decision, one being my belief that divorce was wrong, the fact all our assets and insurances were tied into the business we co-owned, and that my dad didn’t come to help me out.  I felt so alone. Family knew what had happened, but no one came to try and appease the situation or help me out of a time of need.

One of the other things that caused me to stay was God’s voice speaking to me through the entire situation.  I kept asking Him why was I pregnant, if only I didn’t have this baby with me, I could leave, I could find my freedom.  All God would tell me is that I was to name my son Matthew, and one day I would understand.

Matthew means gift of God, and that is exactly what he has been to me. 

What does all this have to do with the song Beautiful One? Let’s take a look…

Wonderful, so wonderful
Is your unfailing love
Your cross has spoken mercy over me
No eye has seen no ear has heard
No heart could fully know
How glorious, how beautiful you are.

 

Beautiful one I love you
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing.

 

Powerful so powerful
Your glory fills the skies
Your mighty works displayed for all to see
The beauty of your majesty
Awakes my heart to see
How marvelous how wonderful you are.

 

Beautiful one I love you
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing.

You opened my eyes to your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
Because nothing on Earth is as beautiful as you

So wonderful is God’s love for us. After Matt was born, I determined to make my marriage work. To do that, I had to fully submit to my husband. The problem was that my husband was not submitted to the things of God, but more to the deviant behaviors of the world. The things I did to save our marriage were unthinkable to me and things that have taken years to forgive myself for.  BUT GOD…loves me, and the day I returned home to Him, His love fully enveloped me and the cross spoke mercy over my life.

Powerful, so powerful is God. During my pregnancy, everytime I saw the doctor, he moved my due date up. They couldn’t figure out why they kept getting it wrong.  My daughter gave a presentation yesterday about a clerical error made in the life of Corrie Ten Boom, and during it she stated, “They called it a clerical error, we call it God.” That is exactly what I call it. God’s power came down and made sure that Matthew was born. I wasn’t going to make it through the pregnancy in the condition I was in physically and emotionally…BUT GOD, knew my need before I did, and He made a way for Matthew to come to my life.

You opened my eyes to wonders anew…You captured my heart with Your love…Because nothing on earth is as beautiful as You….That is exactly what God has done for me since Matt was born.  My eyes were first opened to the love of this child that I didn’t deserve, and shamefully, wasn’t sure I even wanted.  Matt came into my life with an overwhelming love for me, and a joy unspeakable, regardless of his circumstances.

See Matt has a very mild form a cerebral palsy, and while some would consider it an obstacle in their lives, he thinks it’s cool.  He has faced every challenge this disability has brought him with absolute joy and confidence, never feeling sorry for himself, but instead considering it a blessing from God.

To top it off, Matt loves. He loves in the way I would think Jesus loves others. He is not judgemental, but honest. He cares and forgives quickly. He loves everyone, not looking at people’s differences but their similarities. Matt loved me completely in a time when I thought I was unlovable. His love reminded me of the love that God had for me.

Matt loved me through all the wrong I had done in my life…and he has never held one thing against me. Instead he looks on me as his beautiful one that God provided for him, to bring him closer to Jesus…when in reality, I could attribute my return home to the love Matt had for me.

Matthew was God’s gift to me. To remind me of the love He has for us…even when we don’t love ourselves. In my darkest hour, God saw my need before I even knew I had it, and He provided for me. 

I believe Psalm 116:1-7 describes God provision in our time of need best…

I love God because he listened to me, listened as I begged for mercy.
   He listened so intently
      as I laid out my case before him.
   Death stared me in the face,
      hell was hard on my heels.
   Up against it, I didn’t know which way to turn;
      then I called out to God for help:
   ”Please, God!” I cried out.
      ”Save my life!”
   God is gracious—it is he who makes things right,
      our most compassionate God.
   God takes the side of the helpless;
      when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me. 
  I said to myself, “Relax and rest.
      God has showered you with blessings (AMP)

What blessings will you allow God to shower on you today?  You may not understand it at the time, but when you reflect upon certain times of your life, you will see that even in your darkest hour, God provides…

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Open the Eyes of My Heart…

The challenge? Consider one of your children’s favorite songs and look, really look at the lyrics. Why does this resonate with my heart? Because music reaches us in places that other words, and interactions can’t. When I am lonely, hurt, depressed, or angry, just listening to the right song, or a favorite song, brings remembrance and familiarity. Music sings to the very core of our being.

Today, I would like to introduce my son Jacob’s favorite song. He had a hard time picking one, but I instinctively knew what it was. Jacob loves this worship song, and has for years. Jacob’s pick? Open the Eyes of My Heart Lord. He has no favorite version, or artist rendition, just the lyrics sing to him.

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

 

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin’ in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

 

Holy, holy, holy
We cry holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

A few years ago, Jacob accepted Christ and this is one of the songs he learned.  The song truly speaks of his journey with Christ. Today is his birthday, and while he is only turning 11 years old, Jacob is on a journey for Jesus. He writes incredible sermons, stories, poems, that stir your heart. Just the other day in a school assignment, Jacob wrote about the book of Revelation.

Now letting all things be true, I will be honest with you in sharing that this is one book of the Bible that I do not spend a lot of time in. Partially because I don’t fully understand it, but more because I am not ready for it. I suppose it’s my own selfishness stating that I want to see my kids grow. I want to see them step out into this thing called life and be successful at it. To have their own families and the realization of their own dreams.

Jacob on the other hand told me point blank that it is his favorite book of the Bible. Filled with mysticism and wonder -things that any child should be drawn to. He said it was better than any comic or cartoon around, and it was also of God. 

Jacob couldn’t believe that I disliked the book.

Through recounting that story, I begin to understand why Jesus said,

Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all]. - Matthew 18:3 (AMP)

See, Jacob, children accept God for who He is at face value. They don’t question Him but seek Him with joy and wonder.  Jacob wants God to open his eyes to things he hasn’t seen or understood yet. He wants to drink in all of Jesus that He can, and at the same time, he understands God’s authority over him.

Maybe it’s because children are in that same place with their parents, teachers, etc. They are in a position of learning and submitting. Maybe I need to come to the Kingdom of God more like a child, being humble and understanding that God wants to teach me so I can succeed and realize His plans for me.

Take time today to enjoy your kids and watch them wonder at the things of this world. Ask them about their favorite Bible story or character and why?  Take time to see the Kingdom through the eyes of a child, and be amazed at the glories of God.

I would love to hear what inspired you today…please share as you enter into this journey.

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A Friend in This World…

In honor of International Youth Day and my own children I would like to present a challenge to all parents…

Find one of your children’s favorite songs, and take time to look up and read the lyrics.

I am grateful that my children still prefer the Christian music market to the secular scene.  I pray that this will remain the constant as they grow in their walks.

Today, I want to look at one of Abby’s favorite tunes…A Friend in The World by Matthew West.  I have been in the car with her several times when she has played this song over and over again. Until today, I never took the time to really listen or read the lyrics.

She always said the world was overrated

And she couldn’t take the drama it created

It’s a wonder that she didn’t wind up jaded

From all the times she’s been let down

 

Well, Mom and Dad split up when she was four years old

And left the world as she knew it spinning out of control

And she grew up feeling a hole in her soul

‘cause they were never around

 

She said, “why’s everyone always leaving?

I just want someone to believe in

And someone to believe in me.”

 

When you can’t find a friend in the world

A friend in the world

Love is reaching down

When you can’t find a friend in the world

A friend in the world

You got one now

 

I grew up in the glass house of a preacher

Where every move I ever made was a feature

And when you don’t always do what they teach you

They always point you out

 

But it’s just like TobyMac used to say

“Some people just gotta learn the hard way”

And when I couldn’t outrun all the things I’d done

I picked up the phone and my dad said, “son”

 

When you can’t find a friend in the world

A friend in the world

Love is reaching down

When you can’t find a friend in the world

A friend in the world

You got one now

 

This is where the story gets crazy

And this is the part that’s so amazing

You see, the girl I sang about in the first verse

Became my wife

 

And there’s one last thing I’d like to mention

We owe it all to the Author of redemption

Because He reached her life and He reached my life

And He’s reaching out now, take a look around

After reading the lyrics, I quickly realized why Abby loved this song so much.  She is the girl in the first verse. Her biological father and I separated when she was only six, and it was a long and difficult divorce process. I know that it tore her world apart, but always thought to myself, things are better. While I realize that deep down inside she knows this too, I can now see where maybe, just maybe in my selfishness, I didn’t take the time to work through her hurts with her.

Complicating matters, her biological dad has not spoken to her or seen her for years. No birthday or Christmas cards, no “Hi, how are you?” messages, no email, no myspace, no contact whatsoever.  I know she has been let down and I want to fix everything within her with everything within me.

The second verse speaks of her life today. Her dad (stepdad really, but Abby looks at him like her real dad), is a pastor. I am in servant leadership at our church, and she is in the fishbowl.  So often she feels like she is under a different level of scrutiny; that everyone watches her every move. It is real?  Probably not to the extent that she believes it is.  But, to quote one of my past pastors favorite sayings…”Puppy love is real love to the puppy”.  If Abby believes it to be true, nothing I can do can remove her burden…it is real to her.

The good news…Abby is a Christian.  Her friend in this world is Christ.

There are places that He will reach down and heal her, where I can’t. He will relieve her fears and anxieties, where I am unable.  He will be a Counselor to her, and a friend in her time of need.

As a parent, it is hard to watch our kids go through it. It becomes more difficult when some of the things they are struggling with our due to our own decisions.

I have learned that as honest and forthright as I am about the circumstances surrounding my divorce with her, it doesn’t take away her pain. Why? Because my relationship with her biological dad, was not her relationship with him. I have learned that even though I have chosen to be in ministry, and have my life examined or considered by others, that Abby didn’t make that same decision, and sometimes, I need to be a lot more understanding of her feelings of frustration.  I have learned that regardless of how much I love her, she will have a place within her that needs to be filled with God’s love.

Best I can do…keep loving her, keep listening to her, keep praying for her, and keep teaching her how to rely on Christ in her times of trouble.  I can remind her that regardless of what she is going through, there is one who offers her peace, perfect peace.

“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, AMP)

And, I can take the same advice for myself. Realize that the perfect peace that God offers to Abby, is the same perfect peace He offers to me. I need to become confident in my decisions, and realize that the stresses, the trials, and tribulations, are sometimes actually lessons in faith and trust that God is working through me; and for that I should be cheerful.

As I look at the favorite tunes of my three children, I would like to hear from you. Take a moment and let me know what your kids favorite tunes are, and what you think of the lyrics…

Much love and blessing to all of you!

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It is Still Well With My Soul…

“When peace like a river attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll, Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, It is well with my soul.” (Spafford)

Okay, maybe everything isn’t as well as I would like it to be.

Since my last post, I have faced issue after issue. Minor inconveniences that have really worked on my last nerve. As I allowed each issue to grow and fester, one more inconvenience built on top of another, until, well lets just say things have been quite chaotic and rather stressful.

This morning my alarm went off, and I turned on Joyce Meyer. She began speaking on the armor of God, and within the first five minutes reminded me that to find my peace, to put on the armor, I need to seek God first. So, I went to get my devotional. Truth is I haven’t worked on it because it has been in my car, and I didn’t feel like going to get it. Truth is, I talked myself out of spending time in the Word believing listening to a few shows or tapes would get me through the day. Don’t get me wrong, they do help, but we need to seek God on an intimate level where He can speak to us about what is going on in our lives.

    Today’s lesson?

    Peace

    Today’s focal point?

    Job

Okay, so I start reading what Job went through. Within a very short span of time he loses all his livestock, servants, and his ten children. He responds by ripping off his clothes, shaving his head, and worshipping God.

Another example. Horatio Spafford. He is the author of the hymn It Is Well With My Soul.  He and his wife had four daughters and a son. His son dies at age 4 due to Scarlet Fever. Then the next year, he loses all his investments in the Chicago Fire. He and his wife decide to go to Europe with their girls and spend time vacationing and serving with Dwight L. Moody. At the last minute, he gets stuck in New York, so his wife and daughters set sail without him. The ship crashes at sea, and his four daughters perish. On his way to his wife’s side, he is on board his ship and passes the waters where his daughters died. The Holy Spirit consumes him, and he writes the hymn It Is Well With My Soul.

So where does that leave me? Granted the situations I have faced and been inconvenienced with in no way compare to what Job or Horatio Spafford faced. But I still lost my peace. As minor as the inconvenience, if we let it penetrate us then we will be like Job in saying:

“What I feared has come upon me, What I dreaded has happened to me, I have no peace, no quietness, I have no rest, but only turmoil.” (Job 3:25-26, NIV)

I have been there the past several days. In turmoil. No peace. No quiet. Hardly anytime to rest.

BUT GOD…reminded me this morning, that that is exactly where the devil wants me. If I do not have peace, I do not have joy, and things become more difficult to deal with.

So where do we find it?

Perhaps, we take our cues from Job and Horatio, and we seek God.

Seek Him today ladies. Take five minutes and go to your room and play that favorite worship song. Lock yourself in the bathroom and pray. Find a verse that encourages you and meditate on it. Seek God, and “Then you will experience peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.” (Philippians 4:7, NLT)

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It Is Well With My Soul

“My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought - My sin not in part, but the whole - Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more - Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul.” (Spafford)

Can you feel it? Can you feel the freedom and hope in that thought?  That your sin, all of it, every ounce, every piece, every portion is on the cross.  You don’t have to bear the pain of it any longer; God has it, He is covering it, by grace.

David writes, ”Generous in love—God, give grace! Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record. Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry. I know how bad I’ve been; my sins are staring me down.” (Psalm 51:1-3, MSG)

How bad have you been? What sins in your life are staring you down?

In my own life, I have felt the burden of sin, certain that everyone looking at me knows, they just know what I have done, or what I have thought, what I have said. They can see it on me, it permeates from my very being. So, I pull away, not wanting to expose or embarass myself. I allow this false sense of guilt to resonate on me, and to guide my choices, to determine my paths. I begin to feel unlovable, and not worthy of understanding, kindness, or grace.

Just last night, I watched these same feelings wash over my son, Jacob. He was in the backyard with our dogs, and my husband, and other son came home with pizza. A family friend arrived at the same time, and my youngest son began to tease her, quite loudly, quite unmercifully (they have this brother-sister type of banter between them).

Jacob, and our one dog Bailey, had run to the fence by the driveway, and could hear all the commotion. But since we have a privacy fence, he could only hear what was going on. He didn’t know that our friend was also there, so he began calling over the fence.

Bailey became very excited and things got crazy for Jacob. He tried to calm her down, and just after he called over the fence, he heard this banter from his brother. Thinking the comment was aimed at him, Jacob became hurt, and frustrated.

Walking away, the dog wanted to play and jumped on him, knocking him down. Jacob disciplined her, but did it in anger. Immediately, he felt the burden and guilt of his sin overtake him. When he came in the house, just a few short moments later, he was in tears.

He knew he had the right to discipline the dog. He also knew to strike out in his anger was wrong.

I have been there. Doing the right thing, but doing it with the wrong reasons, or with the wrong heart and motive. Acting out of emotion, and then just kicking myself later, not willing to forgive my actions because, well, I just knew better.

At the end of my first marriage, things were far from God-honoring. Both my husband and I were stepping into areas of sin of our lives that I never imagined could happen to me. A few days ago, God showed me, that while I had forgiven my first husband for all he had done, and was able to move on with my life, I never forgave myself.

Isn’t that just how we are? We can forgive others for the most horrendous acts or smallest offenses, but when we do something wrong, we just can’t let it go. Why is that? Why do we hold onto our own sin so tightly? Why are we so unwilling to let God’s grace wash over us?

God reminded me of the hymn It Is Well With My Soul that morning. This song has been one of those favorite songs in my life. Irony above ironies, it wasn’t until just the other morning that I realized how much the song spoke about my own life.

I have been through many trials and tribulations, and always God has found a way to bring peace to me, regardless of my circumstances. But even in that peace He provides, I hold onto part of me. That part of me that I cannot forgive. That part of me that I am continuously beating myself up about. That part of me that I hide away from others, and corners a portion of my heart.

As I listened to the hymn, the second verse hit my heart so hard…”my sin not in part, but the whole. Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more.” (Stafford) I could see it that morning. Christ looking at me with all His love, all His kindness, and taking that part of me that I hide away from everyone else, and putting it on the cross. No condemnation, no guilt, no sorrows, just His understanding, love, support, and forgiveness.

Jacob received our understanding, love and support last night, but he really felt forgiveness, and was willing to release himself of his burden when Bailey came up and loved on him anyway. She held no grudge, didn’t think anything differently of Jacob. She knew him because of all the kind things he had done for her, and the love he had shown her. She loved him despite what he had done.

That is how it is with us. God loves you, regardless of what you have done. He wants you to take that thing you are holding onto and nail it to the cross. He sees you for who you really are, not how you acted for one brief moment in the timeline of your life.

Accept His mercy, it will wipe your slate clean.

Accept His grace - it is full of His love for you.

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Decisions of Grace - 2

“Grace is a dynamic force that does more than affect our standing with God by crediting us with righteousness. Grace affects our experience as well…Grace is a way of life.” (Larry Richards)

Grace is a way of life. 

Can you think on a time in your life when you decided not to live under God’s grace. A time when you thought, “I can do this myself”, “I got this”, or just had so much confidence in your own abilities that you forged ahead in your own power and strength?

What was your outcome?

I am a huge American Idol fan. It was Season Six, the year Jordan Sparks won, and I remember watching the auditions.  In Birmingham, Alabama, a man takes the stage to try for his shot as the American Idol. He doesn’t look the part by any of our standards. He is slightly overweight, wears glasses, has curly hair, and doesn’t seem like the persona we are accustomed to in today’s music industry.

Then he sings, and the purity in his voice is captivating. It is reminiscient to the season Clay Aiken took the stage and people were astonished by the voice coming from this individual.  He makes it through to Vegas, and eventually makes the Top 12.  He is Chris Sligh.

Then the show went live, and the Top 12 were competing each week for their shot at becoming the next American Idol. I remember watching the season with so many hopes for Chris.  He was the one I pegged to win the competition. Then he took the stage.

Something was off. He wasn’t performing correctly. It was as if a different performer had taken the stage. At first I drummed it up to being in front of a live audience, it had to be nerves. But then the next few weeks went by, and he wasn’t getting any better. If anything the competition was getting the best of him, and he was finally voted off on March 28.

I thought that was where the story ended, and really didn’t give Chris Sligh much more thought. Then a few months ago, I was listening to a Christian radio station in our area, and they are talking to former American Idol contestant Chris Sligh.  My initial thought was, “Praise God, he found Jesus since the show.” That thought was only partially correct as Chris relayed his story.

Chris is a Christian. Has been for quite sometime. Then he tried out for American Idol and idol got the best of him. Chris speaks of his experience in his song Empty Me.  Chris Sligh - Empty Me Video This song is about his true life realization that what started out as a life experience for him on God’s terms, quickly turned into an experiment of Chris operating on his own power.

In his own power, he didn’t get very far.

So it is with my own life. There have been times that I have determined that I can do this thing by myself, and I have fallen flat on my face. God wants us to depend on Him, to make the realization that “Grace is not simply leniency when we have sinned. Grace is the enabling gift of God not to sin. Grace is power, not pardon.” (John Piper)

As we walk through our decisions of grace today, let us remember that “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” (II Corinthians 9:8, NIV)

Choose grace - it is a way of life!

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Decisions of Grace

 

 

Many of us realize that grace is the unmerited favor (unearned, undeserved blessings) of God shown towards us. But what are some other things we know about grace? To fall from grace is to relapse into sin, or to lose favor. 

Oh, well, that could never be me.

Or could it?

It wasn’t so long ago that I made a few bad choices.  I was a Christian, but not as strongly rooted as I would like to think I was. After some very disheartening situations, and struggles, I decided that basically if I can’t beat them, then I might as well join them.

How humbling it is to realize that each of us is only one or two decisions away from being in the middle of our sin, at a place we could have never imagined ourselves being, doing things we never thought possible.

Let’s think on a few examples in the Bible:

• King David - his bad choice led to adultery and murder
• Jacob - his bad choice had him fleeing his home and his mother
• Moses - his bad choice kept him from entering the Promised Land
• Judas - his bad choice had him betraying our Lord and Savior, Jesus

Why do we make the choices we do? What would convince us to walk away from the loving kindness that God has for us?

I have asked that question of myself so many times. Why did I choose to do that? What is wrong with me? In her study Living Beyond Yourself, Beth Moore suggests that “Rejection tempts us to invite things into our lives that we might never have welcomed. Rejection can empower us to act in ways that we never dreamed of behaving.”

Looking back at our examples, David felt the rejection of Saul, Jacob felt he wasn’t good enough, living in the shadow of his brother Esau, Moses felt rejected by the people he had been leading for 40 years, that he wasn’t having any impact, and while Judas was one of the twelve walking with Jesus, he wasn’t one of the select few that entered into those secret places with Christ.

In my own life, I have felt the sting of rejection from my mother, and my siblings.  While those left a scar on my heart, it wasn’t until the rejection I felt at the hands of my first husband that drove me over the edge.  I felt I could never do enough, I could never be that right person, I wasn’t pleasing to his eye, satifying to his needs; basically I felt rejected on any level one could imagine. So, I chose. I chose to walk away from all the promises God had for me, and to try anything to just make my husband love me. I walked into decisions in my life that I never imagined I would have made, actions I never considered possible for myself.

It wasn’t very long until the Spirit inside of me was so grieved that I realized if I didn’t change what was going on in my life, I wasn’t going to make it much longer. 

Returning home to my relationship with God was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It actually took me more than a year to step back into a church or to even face God. My shame had left me bitter and feeling unworthy of God’s love and forgiveness.

I tasted grace that day.

David tasted God’s grace, after he acknowledged his sin before Nathan. God’s grace had him dancing for joy.

Jacob tasted grace when he returned home to reunite with his brother. God’s grace led to his blessing and  e felt welcomed and at home and peace.

Moses tasted grace as he looked over the Promised Land, and saw the fruits of his labor and calling come to fruition.

Judas, unfortunately bore the pain of his sufferings, and made another choice.

What choice will you make today?

In Psalm 139. David pleads with God to “Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life.” (23-24, The Message). 

I know that I cannot walk this path alone. Left to my own devises, I will not make the best choices all the time.  I need God to search me, and to show me the areas that I need help with. To show me the direction to walk, and to remind me just how close I am to taking a wrong turn and leading me off His path.

So today, take a moment and make the right decision. Show grace towards others in the realization that but for the grace of God, you may be in the same situation that person is experiencing themselves. Receive God’s favor in your life, His hand of loving kindness, mercy, joy, and hope. And choose grace!

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The Rhythms of Grace

What are the rhythms of grace? In Matthew 11, THE MESSAGE translates this familiar verse as follows:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your real life. I’ll show you how to take real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. (Matthew 11:28-29, THE MESSAGE)

How many times have I felt exactly this way? I feel as if I cannot take another moment, another phone call or email. I need Calgon to just take me away…

Or maybe instead of wishing on a dream of escape, a perception of peace, I need to take time to fellowship with my Savior and find the true meanings of peace and restoration.

Rhythms of Grace are our lives. The ebb and flow of our balancing acts as wives, mothers, sisters, friends, employees, servants, and members of the human race. It encompasses us from the moment we wake up, to the time we finally can lay our head on our pillows at night. It is the symphony of our lives each day, as all the instruments of who we are come together to make that perfect chord. Sometimes we make beautiful melodies, and other times we fall flat, or hit the mark too sharply.

When we don’t hit the mark, is where grace comes in. For years I thought grace had to do with God’s forgiveness towards us. It wasn’t until recently that I learned that “Grace is not simply leniency when we have sinned. Grace is the enabling gift of God not to sin. Grace is power, not just pardon.” (John Piper, Seeking Him) Grace is our maestro, helping us stay on the beat of our lives, giving us a focal point and direction in how to play the music we are gifted to play.

So how are you doing today?

Are you tired? Did you wake up with a headache, or are you not feeling 100%. Did the baby, kids, phone call, or tv keep you up during the night? Did you get enough sleep?

Are you worn out? Do you want face the tasks that lay before you today? Do you feel like your life is just another day of the same old thing? Are you bordering on depression and despair?

Are you burned out on religion? Tired of going through the routine of church services? Lost your passion or desire to spend time in the Word and in prayer? Not feeling challenged by the lessons? Burdened with a person or situation at church?

Regardless of where you are today, God is saying “Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your real life.” Our real life - do you remember that place? The dreams you had as a little girl? The things you wanted to do with your life?

I know how often I feel like I am just not getting anywhere with my life. The kids need me. I have to work. We have another strain hit us financially, or emotionally, and it seems like there is just never enough time to get through it all, to get back to who we are. BUT GOD can take us back to that place. He can remind us of who we are. More than anyone you know or have ever known, God knows you. He knows the desires of your heart. He knows the dreams you had as a child, and the disappointmens you have endured in life. He knows every thought, every need, every sigh.

I’ll show you how to take real rest. Do you feel it? Are you yearning for it yet? Do you want to enter that place of rest. That place where your mind can let go, even if just for a minute, and your soul can be refreshed.

How do we get there?

Walk with me - watch how I do it. God wants you to join Him on the journey. To walk with Him through this symphony of your life. The song only you can write and execute the way it was meant to be executed. He wants to teach you, to guide you, to provide you with the instruments to play that perfect song, in the perfect rhythms of grace, otherwise titled Your Life.

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Fear Them Not

Numbers 14:9 (Amplified Bible)

Only do not rebel against the Lord, neither fear the people of the land, for they are bread for us. Their defense and the shadow [of protection] is removed from over them, but the Lord is with us. Fear them not.

This is an interesting season for me.  It would have been my 15th Christmas with my first husband… I have not personally spoken to him in over a year and a half. We have had no contact from him for almost a year, when we were told he was in a bad motorcycle accident. Abby called him a few times, and that was the end of it. Needless to say, we haven’t seen any child support from him either. This past year has finalized the restraining order, and provided full custody of the kids to me. But still, it is an odd season – a season of remembrance in my own life, a feeling of relief yet sorrow mixed together. Someone told me once it is hard to forget your first love – I guess it is. Not that I miss any of the problems I experienced with Mark, but I do miss the idea of having one true love, one family, one marriage. To know that I won’t be one of those couples that goes 50 years, unless Rich and I end up being really old…it kind of hurts. (PS - I know that Rich is the man God meant for me to be with….)

So, reading today’s verse on fear – I suppose it is fitting. I rebelled against God to live a life of managed fear with Mark. I feared him, and behaved in a manner that would not anger him. He was my bread and life so to speak. But when everything came to an end, and I was finally able to stand up – realizing God was on my side, and I should not ever fear anything He has created – I realize my fear was so misplaced.

I should never have feared Mark, though I did. The false sense of protection Mark provided was so empty and so uncertain.  Almost like walking a rope bridge hoping the final rope didn’t break, and if you took your time, and concentrated and focused and did everything perfectly you would make it.  What a relief to know that we don’t need to be perfect for God’s protection.  He is the perfect Father to us…providing all our needs.  He will provide our shelter, our bread and our life in this world and in the next.

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