Love Is… not about you
January 27, 2010 by Dawn
Filed under Bible Based Living
“Mom, would you just stop trying to fix everything?”
My daughter’s words are still ringing in my ears almost twenty-four hours after our little communication glitch last night.
Looking back and reflecting on the evening, the past month, okay, her whole life, she is absolutely right… I love to fix things. Or maybe it is more that I don’t want to see her, or any of my children, family, friends, in pain. If there is a fix, a word, an encouragement, anything I can do… I am there.
Now as admirable as I may think this quality is, it obviously is gratingly irritating, like the nails on a chalkboard to those in my life. The problem with being a fixer is that you never allow anyone to fix it themselves, thus robbing them of valuable lessons that life will teach them.
As a parent we hate to see our loved ones learn these lessons in life because unfortunately, many times, learning these valuable lessons on how to become a responsible, accountable, contributing individual to the world as a whole comes with a little bit of pain. Just as training a muscle to lift or work in a certain fashion, the payment of pain reaps the benefit of ability.
Ability to what? Well, the ability to do many things, but mainly, most importantly, the ability to do what is right.
How do we decide what is right?
The best source for guidance is the Word.
Which things from the Word should we apply?
All things should be applied, but in my humble opinion, those things that are repeated are done so for a specific purpose. They are repeated to draw our attention to them, to make sure we don’t miss them somehow, to let us know that this one thing, this thing that I am repeating, is one of the important ones. If you don’t do anything else, pay attention to this and apply it to your life.
Out of all things in the Word, the one thing that sticks out to me is the simplest of phrases and the most difficult of tasks…
Love your neighbor as yourself.
These five words are found repeatedly in the Scripture… take a look:
Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD. (Leviticus 19:18)
Jesus replied, Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 19:19)
This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:38-39)
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these. (Mark 12:30-31)
To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices. (Mark 12:33)
He answered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself. (Luke 10:27)
The commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not covet, and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: Love your neighbor as yourself. (Romans 13:9)
The entire law is summed up in a single command: Love your neighbor as yourself. (Galatians 5:14)
If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, Love your neighbor as yourself, you are doing right. (James 2:8)
In our current culture we have put an emphasis on the second part of this commandment, love yourself. While there is nothing wrong with this, and loving ourselves is essential, it is also imperative that we understand that we are commanded to love our neighbors as well. In the process of loving ourselves, we seem to forget that factor, or find excuses for our poor behavior when it comes to relating to others.
As I have attempted to “fix” yet another one of my children’s crises, I come to the realization that we are missing the mark completely.
See we are not being told to love ourselves, and then to love other people.
We are not being told to love other people, and then love ourselves.
The word AND is a conjunction that would link to separate thoughts… but that is not what God is doing here. This is one cohesive thought, one action, that we are supposed to be living.
We are supposed to be loving our neighbors as we love ourselves.
Perhaps it is easier to comprehend as the Golden Rule… Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
See, if we do not like the way a person is behaving, we are not to try and correct their behavior, but instead treat them the way we would want to be treated in the same situation.
Let’s try some practical examples:
Do you like people talking about you? Then don’t talk about others.
Do you like people making fun of you? Then don’t make fun of others.
Do you like people lying to you, or telling you something just to get you to leave them alone? Don’t do it… tell the truth, be honest with others about your intentions.
What about that someone stealing that parking space you are obviously waiting for or being cut off in traffic. Do you like it when it happens to you? If not, then don’t do it to other people.
How about the server at that restaurant, coffee bar, or toll plaza, do you stop and take just a minute to say hello, or smile at them? How would you like to be the person in the toll booth or waiting on a table, exhausted, and unappreciated?
Walking into a building, do you stop to hold the door open for someone? What if you were the person on crutches, carrying packages, trying to round up your kids and the door was just allowed to slam on you? Doesn’t feel good, does it?
It took me a long, and I mean long time, to stop and take pause, and to put myself into the others person shoes. If I am making fun of someone, I stop to think how I would feel if I was that person. If I am talking about someone, I stop to think would I like it if the tables were reversed. I try to think how I would feel if I was on the opposite side of the situation, and then many times, I find myself seeking forgiveness.
See we are commanded to treat people the way we want to be treated… not the way we have been treated, but the way we want to be treated. This means they probably have not treated you that way yet, and regardless, you are still supposed to do the right thing and treat them the way you want to be treated yourself.
Hold that door.
Smile at that server.
Pay for that dinner.
Stop the gossip.
Be a friend.
Perhaps Isaiah 33:15 sums it up the best:
The answer’s simple: Live right, speak the truth, despise exploitation, refuse bribes, reject violence, avoid evil amusements. This is how you raise your standard of living! A safe and stable way to live. A nourishing, satisfying way to live.
A nourishing, satisfying way to live. Isn’t that what we all want? To be nourished, satisfied?
Perhaps that is why I am a fixer, because I want to bestow upon those I love the nourishment of Christ and His complete satisfaction… only problem is that I cannot give them what Christ is offering, only lead by example, and then lead them to the better way to live.
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