Sweeping it Under the Rug
January 12, 2009 by Dawn
Filed under Bible Based Living
I remember growing up, my mother had this philosophy. Don’t let the world know your troubles; just sweep them under the rug. What matters is what is on the outside, your manners, your speech, the impression you leave. Raised in the south, my mom became the epitome of the perfect lady, and she expected the same from me.
As I have grown into the lady or woman that I have become, I realize that I must have been a disappointment to her, never fully achieving her expectations of me. I couldn’t hide my troubles, no matter how hard I tried something always spilled out of me. Sometimes they came out through my insecurities, other times anger, even my incessant need for control spoke of the things that I had hidden so deep in my soul.
Even now I question, do people really know you? Do people really know what you are struggling with, or fear, or what goes on behind closed doors? Are we surprised at times when people open up to us?
Sharing my testimony with others has allowed me to express many of my pains and frustrations throughout my life. Each time I share my testimony, it becomes more apparent to me how little we really know about one another. People did not see the abuse I suffered in my childhood, teen years, or even as recently as my first marriage. What people did see during those times of my life were my flaws and my shortcomings. They saw what was wrong with me on the outside, but did not take the time to delve into the reasons causing it on the inside.
I felt scared. I felt alone and I didn’t know what to do.
One day while vacuuming, God gave me an understanding of what my problem was. I consider this to be my rug theory. Have you ever steam cleaned your rugs only to see spots come back up a few days or weeks later? This is because we clean from the top down, and we are cleaning what is visible to the eye plus a little bit more. The problem is that there is dirt that lies underneath the rug. If you have ever removed a carpet, I am certain you were shocked by the amount of dirt that settles underneath our floors. When we clean the top of the rugs, we pull some of that settled dirt towards the top, and eventually it seeps out. So to clean it, we need to get to the bottom of the situation and clean from the bottom up.
In Matthew 10:26 we are told “So have no fear of them; for nothing is concealed that will not be revealed, or kept secret that will not become known.” This verse terrified me for years. It meant that all those things I had swept under the rug would come to surface. That everything I had fought so hard to hide away in my life, everything I tried to keep private for the sake of appearances would become known.
I had learned how to not talk about or own up to what had happened or was happening to me. I learned how to hide my shame, my bitterness, my guilt, and my insecurities. Eventually some of what I had hidden would rise to the top and I would have to clean myself up, vacuum the rug of my life. It wasn’t until I addressed the core issues, the truth of what I had experienced that I began to experience God’s peace and freedom in my life.
After my divorce, my fears came to ahead. I felt I would never get married again, that I was too much of a mess and a disappointment for anyone. I was afraid of what people would think of me, of the choice I made, the existence I had experienced.
Then I met Rich and I knew that for our relationship to work, I had to be honest with him, and tell him the truth of who I was at the core of my being. That night I was ashamed and terrified, thinking Rich would never want to speak to me again. Then the unexpected happened. Rich saw my circumstances in a completely different light. Instead of seeing what I saw, a foolish woman who was disgraced by her life, he saw a woman of strength and persistence.
Then I realized, that’s how God sees us too. God knew me before I was born and He knows everything I have ever done, will ever do, and will ever think of doing. God loves me just the same. He looks upon me and sees the character, strength, integrity, and understanding that my circumstances have taught me. He looks on me with love and acceptance and sees me as the creation He made me to be.
We need to realize that God’s righteousness in simply His approval of us. Find the freedom from yourself and cling to the truth of who you are. Learn to share your experiences with others and find the peace that passes all understanding.
Your rug will never be cleaner!
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